aBoUT mE

01/20/24

wow! i just created my second page thats insane (not really) idk what to really "write" about i have so much homework but i think im just going to work on this and stuff, maybe play guitar or something idk

01/24/24

erghhhh i just got into a fight with my dad and i was late to school. time to go play viola to a ton of 5th graders, ill work on this page after

02/11/24

ughhh im so tired i had to spend the whole day at my brothers friends house and hang out with some 6 year old girl. i hate kids but whatever, i also have like 10 million school assignments i need to finish but whatever. i have like 2 As and 3 Fs and stuff so like yeah my grades kinda suck. I kinda forgot about Neocities again but whatever

02/12/24

AHH ok so basically i have to write like 5 essays worth of stuff by tuesday and also do a project for english by tomorrow and a project for history by thursday im panicking. I think im going to screw up my sleep schedule on purpose bc i need to do work instead of sleep my god. I just want it to be the weekend already idc if its monday i want my 4 day weekend :((((((

02/15/24

im DYING i have such bad migranes and we arent doing anything in class for some reason and i WANT to work on this page when i get home but at the same time i DONT so i guess we'll just have to see how it works out. erghhhhhh

02/23/24

i just cheated on a test, i got a 97% which is nice. im so happy its friday i just want to go home. im grounded so my only way of listening to music is from my walkman. if i didnt have that thing i think i would die

02/24/24

i feel so crappy right now. i just ruined my life for the next 4 months so im just going to sleep till then

02/24/24

i hate everything. im lying in bed and idk what to do except sleep i hate everything and right now everyone seems to be scared of me and my wellbeing, or they hate me. im tired of life and i wish i could just snap my fingers and it would be all over

02/25/24

i just watched the whole lenore series 3 times. i love her, shes just like me

02/26/24

ok ive decided that im going to start writing longer blog entries or whatever these are since they arent really blogs... i lost myself again this weekend i was really manic and insane and i dont want to go into details but everyone around me was scared of me and looking back i feel horrible. i always feel horrible, after my whole.. moment lets call it.. a moment that lasted hours... i was depressed and crappy and 2 seconds away from exploding all over again. why is life like this. i feel crazy i dont think anyone realizes that and it makes me so mad and upset, idk. right now i just want to sleep im exausted. i spelled that wrong. oh well anyway i know its all going to better when i go to orchestra, so im just trying to not vomit and die till then

02/29/24

im so tired and feel like im about to pass out. I saw a band concert yesterday, the percussion drum ensemble thing was cool but everything else sucked lmao. The lulluby they played made a baby cry... schools almost over which is good. I have guitar lessons today and last night my friend who plays bass came over and we played symphony of destruction togethor. I failed a test and am having a hard time to keep going but hey at least im going to my moms house tomorrow! lets hope my dad doesnt look through my room and underwear drawer again... ughhhh i have a really bad migraine i want to sleep.

03/02/24

03/06/24

i just took my science test... i didnt study but i dont think i did HORRIBLE i prob got a C-... or at least im HOPING i get a C-. The portal was down and we dont have school friday and are going on a field trip tomorrow so my teacher pannicked and printed out a million copies for us.. I just want to go to orchestra then skip the rest of the school day. I hate german and art rn literally the art project we're doing is so boring and my classmates in german are so annoying.

03/08/24

today started out horrible but then i finished playing the walking dead 1 and started playing 2 and i played symphony of destruction with my guitar teacher. so uhh shoutout to him ig his name's thane

03/09/24

03/10/24

i redyed my hair and now i look like trent rezner..

03/11/24

its almost 3 am and i have school tomorrow but whatever. also i love genitorturers

03/11/24

the day ended i didnt make it into an advanced orchestra thing and now im really sad but the director said she is gonna be my private lessons teacher for free and turns out shes never done that before so yeah im just gonna assume my teacher loves me. im tired and i havent slept since the morning (3 pm) i woke up at 03/10. so i havent slept in a whole entire day. thats actually not that bad ive been awake for multiple days but whatever. im sleepy but i have to do a stupid mandala by tomorrow for a stupid art class i dont even want to take so yeahhhhhhhh. I think I'm gonna do that thing where I don't sleep for 3 days straight and start hallucinating in school. last time I did that I had a full conversation in my mind with dave mustaine at a record store and we were smoking weed together and listening to NIN it was so nice. im in love with dave mustaine

03/18/24

its almost 2:30 am and im tired and listening to evanescence.. holy fuck im so tired i spelled their name right lmaoooo anyway i watched dune 2 which was good.. ummm i love nin so much i ducktaped their logo thing on my wall (actually i was just tweaking but hey at least i dont drink worm pee unlike timothee champagne) anyway umm i think im going to sleep even though i didnt do my schoolwork uhh bye

03/19/24

my dad caught me pirating a movie yesterday instead of doing school work and now im grounded but whatever uhhh yeah

03/19/24

im tired and i want to sleep but at the same time i dont and in 3 days it is spring break so just please jesus rob zombie please im praying to joey jordison rn please give me the strength to keep going until the end of the week please im so tired ahhhhhhhh

03/19/24

jesus=rob zombie

03/22/24

last day of school before spring break! tbh ive been feeling like crap all day, i just wanna go home but whatever its the middle of the school day, other than my next class all of my next classes are easy peasy and i just turned in my essay in english. i have a german test but im not too worried about it, worst case i fail my 32nd test in german this year.. this one kid in orchestra asked me if i wanted to meet this insanely good violist from my director's other class and i said idc but really i wanted to kms bc i wish i was the best and i practice so much and viola is almost my whole life but ofc there are always people better than me and when people rub it in my face i get mad, and when people act like im the best i get madder. ughhh bye ig

03/23/24

saw a horror film at the movies yesterday it was good ig. not as much gore as i hoped but still good. ummm imma go to half price books maybe and buy cds idk yet i might just do that tomorrow

03/24/24

today i just edited my neocities page, watched kurtis conner videos, and had to piss all day but didnt for some reason. also i choked on a diet coke and all of the coke like spewed out of my mouth while i was coughing and since i was covering my mouth bc i was like coughing all the coke got inside my sleeve. like the inside of my slipknot hoodies sleeve was wet for so long and my throat hurts now :/

03/26/24

i feel like crap all the time. i woke up and felt like i was going to vomit bc of how screwed up my body is from all the ibuprofen i take. i tried to stop, i was clean or whatever for a good week. but man pain killers are a whole different joy. like idek i just like taking them. i like their name. i like the aftertaste in my mouth. i like that if i take enough i become like high almost. i like that they relieve myself from my constant migraines. anyway im tired and spring break is overrated. i dont even do anything and yet im tired. man i dont even do my homework. whatever. i dont want to think about this. bc then ill be stuck thinking about it for hours like a broken record. i edited the page today. i added a ton of lyrics and images and gifs or whatever. man i feel so horrible. its almost 6 am i need to sleep. genuinly my reaction to everything in life at this point is a deep sigh to hopefully be able to catch a breath of emotion. my only good part of my day was dressing like talena atfield, eating a really good veggie pizza and drinking 2 diet cokes, and staring at the empty-closed a half hour ago ceiling of the mall while laying on a couch and listening to my iowa cd on my walkman. anyway bye i need to sleep or ill die

03/27/24

uhhhh im gonna see the second ghostbusters film today... like the new one.. but hey at least i can go to the theatres so its not all bad. istg why do they have to remake everything like you cant just be content with the originals?? shows how money hungry these movie industries are. also shows why we dont have any goofy or cool iconic films anymore. the past 10 years man movies just come and go. the 2020s dont have anything iconic everything comes and goes in a few weeks-months. wwe dont have those decade defining moments or films or anything anymore.. other than covid and trump ig. and global warming destroying the planet... oh well im just excited to get out of the house, see a movie (whether its trash or not) and drink a million slushies and diet cokes. i wanted to see another horror movie thats in the theatres rn bc i already saw one of them but since my 8 year old brothers coming we cant watch it :( oh well i might watch it with my friend.. ummm yeah ill come back to talk about how the movie went other than that im not really gonna do much today..

03/27/24

saw the kung fu panda movie instead. the fact that mr beast was in it proves how doomed we are as a society

03/28/24

i stayed up all night listening to the album beyond the valley of murderdolls 12 times. and uhh i learned dawn of the dead on guitar and uhhh i was hallucinating and daydreaming all night it was chill. i sang along to the album a couple times and was laughing so hard for no reason im suprised i didnt wake my dad up from the other room. ehhh whatever ummm im rewatching MTV's downtown rn. best show ever

03/31/24

ughhhh i have to go to my mom's bf's family's easter thing today. man whats easter even about. like ik its about jesus or whatever but man why does jesus need so many holidays. im not even christian. whatever its the middle of the night (4:30 am) i watched like a million horror movies and now im just listening to god is a lie by wednesday 13. all i can think about rn is how cool eric griffin is. i mean bro was in murderdolls AND genitorturers. AND he made out with joey jordison. AND he has cool hair. AND hes besties with wed 13. man i gotta be like that

03/31/24

04/05/24

its been a VERY busy week, i had viola lessons but then i had to skip my guitar lessons and ive been coming home from school at 8 pm every day. its friday (thank GOD) and i can do nothing woohoo! i failed 2 tests but since i studied and have been doing my hw my dads not too upset with me. i might be ungrounded this weekend?? its been like 4 months man at this point ive gotten used to it idk. i really want to get drum lessons but my dad would NEVER lmao. my viola lessons are an offer my director gave me and are free so really the only lessons my dad pays for are guitar. im self taught for drums. but whateverrr idcccc. im tired idk what to think about i wanna eat but class ends in 10 minutes and my next class im going to be presenting my ad project thing. uhhh yeah whatever bye

04/07/24

i wanna run away but im not 8 and stupid

04/07/24

i love scrawny easily dominated goth boys

04/09/24

the eclipse today was so cool what the hell!! man i wish there was a full eclipse everyday that was sic af it was like dark but it felt fake and it was just so cool like man i want that to happen again but it wont for another 400 years. the planet will explode by then!!

04/10/24

this week has sucked SO BAD this week genuinly wtf. i hate my friend she keeps leaving me. like whatever! i hate you! i made you who you are rn but ok!! idk im just tired and ready to hate everyone after the slightest inconvenience. ugh whatever i just feel like absolute dog shiesse rn

04/11/24

ughh we had like testing today and uhhh it sucked!!

04/11/24

i hate hot topic!!

04/12/24

uhhh nothing happened today

04/26/24

got a D on the last science test of the year, best case scenario if he counted the extra optional credit question as 2 points i got a C-

05/01/24

just took the last test of the year.. well second/third to last i still have an english test and my german finals. uhmmm sorry i havent been updating lately ive been kinda out of it ive just been practicing and sleeping lately bc the weather is hot and allergies make me sleepy